Go Toward the Light tells the true story about 9 year-old Ben Oyler's fight against AIDS. It's written by his mother, a newly wed and young mother of a young LDS family. Ben is a hemophiliac. Back in the 80s, hemophilia was treated with blood transfusions. Consequently, Ben has approximately two dozen transfusions a year, being exposed to blood of more than 48,000 people each year. Tragically, he contracts AIDS.
The book is about how the family faces Ben's "death sentence." Ben, the oldest boy of four boys, is surprisingly mature, but also very childlike and innocent about the whole ordeal. He makes preparations, such as giving away his possessions. He also asks very innocent questions about death ("Are there tacos in heaven?"). At one point he asks if his parents are going to mad at him if he dies. His parents reassure him that dying is like going home. At one point in the book, Ben experiences a series of seizures. After one of the worst attacks is over, Chris (the mother) repeatedly kisses Ben's forehead through her tears. She hears Ben whispering something in his faint voice. She puts her ear closer. "I...want...to...go...home." He has to say it twice before the mother realizes that he wasn't talking about their house. "Mom, I want to go home. Will you come visit me there?" His mother replies, "Yes, Ben. I will. Someday."
This story introduced a concept to my family that I still often think about. Chris Oyler explains to Ben that his heart can take a picture just like a camera, except these pictures are even better because they last forever and are only taken at the most special moments. My heart has often taken pictures during special moments. At the end of my mission my heart was filling up role after role of film taking pictures.
One reason I'm drawn to this story is that it's about a family of four boys. I'm from a family of four boys. Beau, Ben's younger brother, doesn't want Ben to die because that will mean Beau's the oldest. I relate well with Beau. I'm the second oldest, too. The oldest sibling, especially the oldest brother, is an interesting position. He's sort of the leader of the pack. Everyone wants to be a leader of a pack, but the oldest brother can never be replaced. He was literally MADE for the job. Toward the end of the book, when Ben is weakest, he and Beau are fighting over a toy robot. Both boys realize the seriousness of Ben's illness when Beau wins the tug-of-war. Every younger brother wants to be bigger and stronger, but it's against the laws of the universe to be bigger than the oldest brother, especially when he's 8 and you're 6! They freeze for a moment, realizing what just happened. Beau quickly gives the robot back, trying to find a way to take the moment back.
Finally, Ben passes a way. The youngest boy, Aber is staying at his grandmother's house the night before. "Gramma, Gramma! There's a little ghost flying around my room."
"Oh, Aber, honey, it's just a bad dream."
"No, Gramma. It's a REAL ghost. It was Ben. He came in here and told me that he won't have to hurt anymore 'cause he's got only one more day here. He told me that he loved me and he'd miss me a lot."
You should read this book. It's an easy read, too. Well worth your time. Visit your local library or buy a copy online. They are only a penny on amazon right now. But, as Lavar Burton (Reading Rainbow) would say, "You don't have to take MY word for it. I'll see ya next time!"
